Parenting

Parenting is a hard job sometimes. Marriage is hard sometimes. Being married and parenting special needs child is really hard sometimes. It's said that around 75% of marriages with a special needs child ends in divorce. I don't know if this is true or not but what I do know is our story. Marriage is not easy it's hard work. Put children in the mix even harder, add special needs into this even more. But I know I couldn't do this alone. My husband and I met almost 22 years ago. We have been married 14. We have lots of ups and downs. Mostly ups. The birth of our first child was exciting and scary. I had to move my salon to the basement 7 months into my pregnancy, doctor ordered me to slow down and I couldn't afford to keep my salon running otherwise. Our sons delivery was scary, he had no heart beat, emergency c-section, cord around his neck 3 times, my placenta had stopped working at some point starving the baby and had blood clots all over it, He was born on his due date but only 5lbs 6oz my husband was scared, I was in shock. That's not how it was supposed to go. But after 4 days let us take our "healthy" baby home. 10 weeks in we rushed to the hospital, the baby couldn't keep anything down. He had surgery on his stomach pyloric stenosis. 2 weeks later my husband lost his job.  At 6 months the baby wasn't hitting milestones he wasn't sitting up and didn't use his right hand. They sent us to physio they thought Erbs Palsy. About this time my husband started a job a 1.5 hrs away from home he drove back and forth everyday. During physiotherapy the therapist told me she thought it wasn't Erbs Palsy but something more. They referred us a neurologist. At 9 months they did an MRI. A little over a year old we had a diagnosis Right hemiplegic Cerebral Palsy. It was crushing for a young family. I took it better then my husband he chose to ignore it. I did all the appointments, he worked. Lots of runs to the hospital the first two years with appointments, hospital stays, swallowing tests, kidney tests, 2 weeks in for pneumonia. Then our baby girl came along just at the same time as our sons seizures started. Countless fights that I was doing everything and he didn't like hospitals. We went to support groups and therapy. They always tell you, you need date nights and time with the two of you at least once a week. Lol. Who can do that? You don't leave your child with anyone, babysitters are hard to find when you have a special needs child. My mom aunt and sisters helped as much as they could but they had there own lives too. We tried date night once a month for awhile but it's more like once every 6 months. It's hard really hard I can see why marriages don't last who could do all that and keep it together???  We have because even after the worst days we are a team. One might do all the kid work and one the pay work but we are a team!! Now the roles have changed as we get older and the kids. My husband is way better at dealing with things that come up and I'm usually a mess. We seem to go back and forth with our roles. I'm a realist he's a hopefulist Lol. In May I crashed, I think I took the news of our son not being able to live a independent life much harder then the first diagnoses. His dad took it with stride. So he lives with us for as long as he wants, he is who he is, ect. Everything always works out is my husbands biggest saying. And you know what it does. We yell, we scream (we are an Italian family after all lol) we cry but most of all we laugh and love. And we truly make it work the good, the bad and the ugly. We get through it all together as husband and wife, as mommy and dad, and as a family of 4. They are my life and I love them with all my heart and soul. 💕💕and I wouldn't change any of the downs. They make us who we are as much as the ups.